November Digest
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” - CS Lewis
Recap
A long, grief-filled check-in transitioned into a review and discussion of topics we covered in previous months:
Medical Aid and Dying, VSED, Suicide & bodily autonomy
Establishing what future topics are most interesting to each of us from the remaining list of potentials.
We ended the day with a shared dinner and built an offrenda-style alter space where we honored ancestors and people or other beings we loved and have died.
What’s Next
After a long holiday break, we’ll reconvene on the Central Oregon Coast for a whole weekend to demystify and better understand the option of caring for our dead at home, in community. We’ll dive into why Home Funerals are a desirable option for many, the legal aspects of the practice, and raw practicalities of this very intimate relationship choice we have in Oregon and Washington.
Dates, times and how to prepare for the overnight will be shared with participants via email.
Common Threads
I recommend engaging with the topic in the following order:
Listen to 4 episodes of the National Home Funeral Alliance(NHFA) Podcast: A Path Home.
Crossroads Community Deathcare - (50:36) Two Southern Oregonians discuss how studying EOL/Death Care and their friend’s unexpected death prepared them to serve their community in new ways.
Scout Flies Home - (1:14) Deborah's daughter, Scout, died in a car accident in the summer of 2019. With the help of Scouts friends, Angela and Michael, both death midwives and home funeral guides, Deborah and their community conduct a home funeral and green burial on the farm where Scout lived. This is a follow up to the above podcast.
Home Funeral without a Home - (28:25) Susan Mackey shares her creative solution for providing after-death care when a home funeral wasn't possible, home funeral care just not in a home.
Choose one more that interests you! I include a few recommendations below based on unusual situations, challenges or surprises, but please feel free to explore on your own. Come prepared to share what you learned from your chosen episode in February. To Consider: Read synopses on another app, such as Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or other. Suggestions: 11/29/19, 11/19/21, 5/20/22, 2/3/23, 4/15/23.
Download, Print or Order a hard copy of the NHFA’s Home Funerals Guide & Resources:
We will use this throughout the weekend to simulate home funeral planning and practices. You will want to bring your copy, plus take time reading and becoming familiar with the following sections:
Introduction
Planning a Home Funeral
Body Care at Home
Appendices
Bring your printed state-specific Advance Directives with you, even if they are still in progress. We’ll take some time to discuss and work through them together!
Photo by June Jacobson 2022
Extra Threads
Grief and the Holidays
The holidays can be a really difficult time for folks grieving the loss or even experiencing a major transition that affect life and relationships. Remember, there are many types of grief, not just those that come from a death. If you or someone you know is grieving during the holidays, here’s a PDF and Podcast from Dougy Center in Portland.
For perspectives on how to empathize or support those who are grieving during the holidays, check out this article from the creators of the book What’s Your Grief?
Take care of yourselves.
Documentaries
For those interested in exploring how people navigate the dying process within the medical system as it was addressed in the popular book BEING MORTAL by Atul Gawande,
check out the movie documentary: Being Mortal (2020) where he has conversations with dying people, their doctors and families.
If you have access to PBS, you might consider the following:
Into the Night: Portraits of Life and Death (2023) It explores how we face death, our fears of dying and the stories that drive both comfort and conflict.
YouTube
The Undertaking is a behind the scenes documentary following the day to day of a family owned funeral home in Michigan. It follows multiple families and individuals stories as they unfold from dying through conventional funeral.
A Certain Kind of Death is a not an easy watch, but takes you into the real-world of what happens if you die in the US with no next of kin. It is indeed “unflinching”, so be prepared for some tough footage.