April Digest
Who thinks about dying when the wind’s fresh, the sea beckons, and there are other boats to build?
-Drew Fetherston, April ‘24
Watercolor by Claire Marie Kerwin 2024
Our group came together again for the first time since February. I canceled our March weekend when our elderly cat turned a corner and it became clear he was nearing the end of his twenty-year life. It was hard physically, as sleep was rarely sound, and stretched me emotionally as I watched his world and abilities shrink ever smaller every day. David and I assisted him in navigating those final days and hours, which I consider a gift of time and attention, one that we gave him and ourselves. He died at home, with us, peacefully and with the utmost care we could give. We were lucky and are grateful, as it doesn’t always go this way.
April Recap
After a juicy check-in, much needed after a long hiatus, we discussed issues that emerged from our reading and watching. Many folks agreed that although conversations with significant others or partners regarding EOL options were indeed occurring more often, most had not filled out paperwork, like an advance directive, to make it “official”. We discussed reasons, some pro’s and con’s, and the pitfalls of planning ahead.
We discussed our impressions of the documentary, Being Mortal, and the challenges patients and doctors have breaching conversations about EOL decisions.
We then moved on to watching two other documentaries that further explored these topics. Both are available on Netflix and follow families and individuals as they navigate EOL decisions in the ICU, and in hospice care. Reflection and dinner conversation followed.
Finally, we departed with our assignments for next month and an invitation to reflect on Bonnie Ware’s The Regrets of the Dying. Bonnie compiled a short list of the regrets most often expressed by those she served in hospice and palliative care throughout her life. She shared that these regrets were part of the growth and transformation they all experienced as they came to peace in their final days.
Final May Weekend
Our final weekend will be a two day overnight in Marmot, Oregon. We’ll engage the following topics:
Final disposition options and their financial, ecological and cultural relationships.
Our personal relationships with death and dying now vs. when our group began. How do we want to creatively express this relationship individually and as a group on our final weekend?
Ritual and ceremony: how do we find or create meaningful experiences for ourselves and others in times of grief and loss? How do we make room for others while creating or practicing useful and respectful boundary-setting?
Shrouding a body & digging a grave… together in a final ceremony.
Study group members should check their emails in the next week to help them plan ahead for May. I’m really looking forward to how everyone is contributing to the content and creativity as we close out our experience together. Reach out if you need!